Tomorrow, Nanowrimo begins. I'm really nervous this year - haven't thought about a theme or a character or anything - just want to write and know that I will be writing only for me. I thought about one of my mantras, what I tell others. Write about what you know. Is it possible to write about something I know when right now, in my life, I feel like I know nothing and that I'm doing everything wrong? Is it possible to be a free writer when I feel constrained and trapped? How can I hope to write something when really, I have no hope?

I feel as if I've lost something right now - and this general depression for some reason isn't manifesting in the way it did in years past. Depression at one time equaled creativity for me. Now it equals television and a bad diet.

These are the things I contemplate tonight. Perhaps when I'm lighting my candle for the departed souls, something will ignite within me as well.