I've decided to not post my novel.

I can't post it here - it is too bad. Maybe after some editing.

Again, I'm posting the posts backwards this year - want to make sure that my first chapter is at the top and my last is at the bottom.

I'll be writing my first part later today! Good look, fellow NaNoWriMo's!

Tomorrow, Nanowrimo begins. I'm really nervous this year - haven't thought about a theme or a character or anything - just want to write and know that I will be writing only for me. I thought about one of my mantras, what I tell others. Write about what you know. Is it possible to write about something I know when right now, in my life, I feel like I know nothing and that I'm doing everything wrong? Is it possible to be a free writer when I feel constrained and trapped? How can I hope to write something when really, I have no hope?

I feel as if I've lost something right now - and this general depression for some reason isn't manifesting in the way it did in years past. Depression at one time equaled creativity for me. Now it equals television and a bad diet.

These are the things I contemplate tonight. Perhaps when I'm lighting my candle for the departed souls, something will ignite within me as well.